When Friends or Family Don’t Celebrate Christmas

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The Christmas season is a time of giving, joy and family as we celebrate the religious and secular aspects of the holiday. We all look forward to the possibility of a white Christmas, receiving the gifts on our lists, and relaxing with loved ones by a warm fire. But, some of us don’t. We all know people who don’t celebrate Christmas at all or don’t observe it in the same ways we do. For them, this time of year can be touchy and uncomfortable. Whether Jewish, Buddhist, Shinto or otherwise, here’s how to approach this special time of year when friends or family don’t celebrate Christmas.

How to approach people who don’t celebrate Christmas

Gift giving

It’s probably not necessary (or welcome, for that matter), to give a gift to someone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas. That said, some religions outside of Christianity do exchange gifts this time of year so it may be appropriate. Obviously, follow your friend’s lead. If they give you a gift or you observe them gift shopping or preparing gifts for others, by all means, spread your holiday cheer with a non-Christmas specific type of gift (i.e. no Christmas tree ornaments or Best of Christmas Movies box sets).

Merry Christmas versus happy holidays

The debate has gone on for years. Is it inappropriate to say, “merry Christmas” to people who don’t celebrate Christmas? As someone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas (I’m Jewish), it’s only offensive to me if you are thoughtless about it. If a customer service representative in a store wishes me a, “merry Christmas” this time of year, I appreciate that they’re spreading a little joy and wishing me well. If my friend of several years somehow forgets that I don’t celebrate Christmas and says it, that stings a bit. I wouldn’t hold a grudge or lash out (though some may) but I’d point out their faux pas right away and I’d expect it not to happen again. Obviously, this debate gets hot every year so not everyone feels the way I do. If you have very sensitive friends, take that into consideration before wishing anybody a merry anything!

Holiday celebrations

There are some faiths that don’t use music for sacred purposes, this means no Christmas carols. Other religions segregate men and women during worship, this means no midnight mass.

Still others completely disagree with the Christmas holiday based on principle and lack of belief, this means no Christmas whatsoever. So, can you invite your friend or family member to your Christmas cookie exchange or Christmas Eve Dinner Party?

This one is tougher and needs to be handled on a case by case basis. If your friend is someone that cannot see any part of the Christmas celebration as secular, it’s a good idea to skip the invite, or explain the nature of the event in detail so that your invitee fully understands that they may feel uncomfortable.

Ultimately, the rules bend for each individual person in your life who doesn’t celebrate Christmas. Above all, listen to them and pay attention to their actions during this time of year. If you’re a good friend or family member, you’ll know how to treat your loved ones without making them uncomfortable or offending them simply by communicating openly and honestly with one another.