WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO?

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By Philip Humbert.

A couple weeks ago, Mary asked me one of those simple
little questions that sometimes unlock profound insights.
She asked me, "What are you looking forward to?"

At the time, she was thinking of a trip we have planned to
see her family this spring. It's not a big deal. We were
just chatting about schedules and details, when she said,
"I'm really excited about this trip; what are you looking
forward to?"

Her simple question set loose a series of "ponderings"
that are still rattling around in my head. I thought about
the old saying that, "in life we usually get what we
expect." I remembered President Obama's campaign slogan
about "hope and change" and his suggestion that we should
look forward to better days. And I thought about how our
expectations for the future impact our daily actions--and
end up creating our future for us.

I also thought about how often we are encouraged to both
"live in the present" and to "set goals for the future."
There is a real paradox that while happiness is a present-
moment, here-and-now experience, we are simultaneously
encouraged to plan and build a better future, as if the
present is badly flawed or unacceptable. So, which is it?

Do we live in the moment, savoring each glorious day? Or
do we work harder, hoping that "someday" things will get
better? Or, if it's a mix of the two, what's the proper
ratio of pleasure today verses hard work for "tomorrow?"

In terms of peace of mind and ultimate success, what's the
magic formula? No one ever talks about that. So I've been
pondering Mary's question, "What are you looking forward
to?"

I've come up with three answers that may help.

1. We need happiness today! I seem to need something to
enjoy, to laugh at or play with, just about every day.
Maybe that's because I never learned about "delayed
gratification," but I have to look forward to dinner, or a
movie, or walking my dog in the rain, or time to cuddle
with Mary pretty much every day. Oh, sure, I'm a grown-up,
so I can maybe wait a day or two, or even until the
weekend, but joy is not something to postpone.

To stay motivated and focused, I need my "instant
gratification" every day! I think most of us need (and
deserve) some happiness and laughter, some fun and joy,
every single day. Else, what's all the work supposed to
accomplish?

2. We need periodic victory celebrations! I suspect there
is tremendous wisdom in the "coincidence" that we
celebrate various holidays every few weeks throughout the
year. Most cultures celebrate the seasons of the year. We
celebrate the first snow fall, the birds of spring, our
birthdays and anniversaries and religious holidays. We all
need something "just down the road" to keep us going.

Make sure you have lots of "30-day celebrations" on your
calendar. Schedule weekends with a loved one. Use the
various national holidays, or make up your own, but always
have an event or a "finish line" just a few weeks ahead of
you. And make sure it's full of fun, a festival worth
getting excited about! I think it helps.

3. We need long-term goals and major celebrations. The
research says that a sense of purpose, of doing important
work and achieving big goals is essential for real
happiness. And that sounds right to me. We need to know
that we are doing things that matter, that we are making
life better and contributing to human well-being. Even if
the final victory is far down the road, we need to be
going in a useful direction and doing important things.

I think too many of us get so serious about our long-term
goals that we forget to celebrate the joys of life! Or,
conversely, we get so caught-up in having fun--spending
money, doing "stuff"--that we fail to accomplish the big,
important and lasting things. As always, the key is
balance.

My conclusions? Enjoy each day! Have some fun. Play. Make
love. Fly a kite or romp with a dog. I like to celebrate
each sunrise, but maybe that's just me. Find your joy and
celebrate it every day. But also look forward to a
holiday, or a birthday, or any of the celebrations that
will keep you focused through a season of hard work. And,
above all, stay true to the major goals and purposes of
your life. In the end, you want the sublime satisfaction
of a life lived well. Never lose sight of that!